Monday, May 30, 2011 / 2:25 PM
The Voice of The Lord
It was when the noise of the moving cars, datelines, mindless chatter, anxiety over the next thing on the list was left aside, could the Voice of the Lord be heard.
It came to me in the chirping of the birds at midday, where they were tucked safely in their nests, in the form of gentle breeze, which soothed my anxious heart. It came as a surreal sense of peace, in solitary, while waiting for the LRT to arrive. There could other ways he whispered to me, but have gone unnoticed. But true to His word, I know, He never left my side.
Monday, May 23, 2011 / 9:33 AM
a thought came to me rather suddenly during praise and worship:
God gave us different strengths to handle the different paths he has set out for us. While we dont know what is to come in the future, we know that he doesnt give us what is beyond our strength. And in this lifetime, we all run this course that eventually leads us to Him. However, we are all given different terrains to run on, with different obstacles and hurdles and spanners thrown at us at various times, yet, He asks us to still hold firm to the faith, that He is with us through it all, and because of that, we will not be shaken, we will not crumble, and we can look to salvation with Him at the every end of every chapter we run. In times of difficulties, can we stay obedient and stay on track? Even prophets and kings of old strayed from time to time, but like he told Israel, He still loves us, despite all the sins we commit, the decisions we make that are not of Him, the times we heard Him or warn us, but we choose to turn a deaf ear. He. Still.Loves.Us. Jesus' death on the cross is evidence of that Love. Jesus' death which wins for us our victory over all these sins and darkness in our lives. Jesus death and rising is the reason why we should embrace life, love those He sends our way, stay humble and accepting of the places He puts us in, work hard at what we do, where we are, because this life wasnt ours to begin with, it was entirely for Him, to complete his work on earth.
What used to define my energy and love for life laid in the security, material comfort, emotional and spiritual affirmations which i received. Past tense. It was looking back in hingsight, nostalgia. It was all good, nonetheless. These things gave me a reason to look back and be thankful and move forward with newfound, sustained energy. It was a life that was good, seemingly smoothsailing, a high life, a sweet fortune.
Recently, however, life didnt fall quite prettily into place. Like a jigsaw bit that was frayed at its end, whose colours did not blend in as nicely as the surroounding pieces. God seemed adamant that i need to change my attitude and behaviour towards areas of my life, which i have wilfully dodged so far, and to change it now, not next time. For once, it became harder to be thankful. Nostalgia wasnt quite as sweet and rose tinted. For once, it became about being in the moment with God, in prayer, in silence, in motion, in tune and thought with something greater and more powerful, because, my strength alone could not and would not solve anything at hand. It started with a plea of panic and desperation, then God eased my fears. Just as i thought ok, problem solved, and was ready to wash my hands off it, God threw in another situation that put me back on my toes, and He planted a thought in me, "Michelle, you are to deal with it, continuously. This isnt an ad-hoc project, you arent dealing with people who weaves in and out of your life. Learn to handle it, and make it part of your longtime routine." In other words, i had to change my heart and change my mind.
THAT. WAS. HARD.
Me: i like my life, why must i change it? Why am i trying to solve their problems? they are older and arent they supposed to be more mature about this?
God (it was a thought in my head, but has to be from God, since it was difficult and weighed a tonne after that): I gave them to you, FOR LIFE. and you've ran away for so long
Jeremy: Michelle, youve great communication skills. I think you should talk to them and spend more time with them.
so it shall be. obedience. not out of fear, but out of love, because this life was given to me out of love, selected and carved uniquely for me, that i should see to all these things He has laid out in this race im running. and im not gonna be taking any other route cept this one. Cept, i dont know whats to come. But i know, i can handle whatever comes, with God's grace.
so this is what it has been recently. Hearing God's prompting a lot more, then working on it. Not just going ahead with my plans and looking back to see what he has blessed me with. Rather, looking down at my feet right this moment, feeling every sense of where i am right now, being aware of what i need to do, based on the soft holy proddings that pops up in my head in the Avast! updates on Jeremy's desktop. but with these awesome friends colleagues and loved ones he has blessed me with, i know,everything is gonna be just fine, just the way He would want it.
Friday, May 06, 2011 / 11:13 AM
Despite that 8 stacks of SS answer scripts sitting on my desk, my thoughts couldnt help but wander off, even if it's just for a little while. and in the short, indulgent span of 30 seconds maybe, i caught myself thinking about being in my own shop. It's a wonderful and comforting picture-- with the right songs to set the ambience of my interior, the quiet of the morning, re-arranging the display to make sure everything is in order and steaming the clothes to make sure they are looking their best. This may sound mundane to many, chasing numbers at work, hitting quotas in a month, but right now, this dream is exactly what keeps my work going.
The idea is increasing tempting, and more fearfully, real. While i would never have thought of being my boss, i find myself planning in that direction, even willing to postpone family plans to establish my own place first. Though current realities catch up and replace these daydreams with pressing needs of the house (that is non existent as of now), the wedding preparations (nitty gritty details of the guest list and seeking the help of friends to fill various roles that 2 days), putting aside more finances for Nicole and Mummy, something in me prevents the stillness and zen from being thrown off balance. I think the Higher Being in my life, together with his host of angels has been working OT to keep the pieces of my life together, planting all the rightest people around me, as well as keeping jem and i close :) Really am thankful for that incredible boy. :)
i wonder also from time to time- how does he do it? Love someone as demanding (yes Barry, ive come to terms that im that), as restless as I?
but he just does. In the simplest of ways, no less.
谢谢你,
成为我这辈子的幸福.
The Girl Inside
Michelle,
seeking the best in her, yet looking at her best days unfolding right before her at the same time.
contact her at: inspiremydance@hotmail.com
"It's not how hard you fall, but how hard you fight back."
Look at the stars, and not the reflection of the moon.
~endless time in the studio
~more cuppa time with dearlings
~travel more places
~dressing up
~getting that diver's license by 2009
