Wednesday, January 28, 2009 / 12:38 PM
the alarm sounded, breaking the silence of the morning. She peered outside, to the chilly dark sky. Groaning inwardly, she rolled off the bed and fumbled towards her clothes, which she had laid the night before.
gone is another festive period. 2 days, 4 days, passed in a twinkle of an eye. It feels as though i have yet to slow my pace and enjoy the holiday air. Getting up at 610 this morning was a rude shock to a body which has been lazing into the bright hours of the glorious morning sun.
stealing some time away from work, tearing those fingers away from the signature red pen i've been gripping onto, to entangle this mess of thoughts i've been harbouring the past few days.
Cant say that this has not been a better year, wouldnt justify the thread of positivity running through my veins from time to time. Definitely cant say it's stress free either--i think i derive confidence from the love god shows when i attempt to do what ive been tasked to do. 2009 started off with such a bang, i just wonder, from time to time, if i can sustain the adrenaline and 'high' for my friends, students, work and loved ones.
i teach the sec 3s, that our government is forward looking. Anticipating future changes/ challenges. I guess i've become more like that too. Looking to a welcoming weekend ahead :) indulging in tanning and dozing off by the pool...i hope. miss that late afternoon with that fabulous sis of mine last sat.
i look forward to better days with my sec 3s and building friendships with the toughnuts
i look forward to seeing projects materialize
i look forward to scuba this yr with fat boy-slim (slimmer)
i look forward to dancing and being gd enough to be on stage again
i look forward to wearing my pretty new clothes and heels and feeling awesome in them
i look forward to becoming someone better, someone id respect and love more
i look forward to seeing clear skies and the eye-feast of stars hung up high
i look forward to watching drama serials again, to recharge and escape into another world.
i look forward to laughing and chatting with the gurlies i love best, and am mosgt comfy with
i look forward to more positive people, thoughts, and actions
i look forward, because i want to make my tomorrows better than today.
Saturday, January 17, 2009 / 12:43 PM
almost clicked on the little cross at the top right corner, thinking with some absurdity that there has been nothing much to blog about.
Until that familiar gush of wind comes through that swinging door and i remember,
"It's the perfect spring this year!"
almost feel like a criminal keeping my students indoors, still in their seats, when the glorious sun is blazing just metres outside, offset by the perfect wind. :)
the last time i felt like i wanted to stay outside in my comfy shorts and flops was....Sentosa?
and the amazing weather has just added another reason to prolong the spring in my feet.
It is tiring. exhausting i would say, especially towards the end of the week, with heavier work days, CCAs, extra stuff on top of just lessons.
but proud to say, im feeling right on top of it
no happy pills bernard :) haha but definitely, still signing off to my current awesome life
michelle is beyond blessed.
Monday, January 12, 2009 / 11:08 PM
this was the best yet.
a surprise, an overhaul of excitment
could not contain it, shocked to have felt it at 2pm today
and along with the many fates, hers stood slightly above the rest.
called up on stage for 10 points and less
entry into TP became a distant, less den desirable option
now she was opening her arms to VJ, CJ, SA, AJC...
and it's just surges of pride, relief and satisfaction
seeing how she gets to do the choosing now...
nicki. boy did you blow my mind today :)
congratulations!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009 / 12:15 PM
She's walking on sunshine, and praising the Lord in her heart
He keeps her safe and sound, and helps her in her classes
Just three days into the start of school, she has had many lessons.
Opportunities, which she used to work her way around the students.
For the wise once said, "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you"
She's determined to lock up her temper, and keep insecurity away.
To walk corridors with her head held high, and a skip in her feet
Yet, she'll learn, thru the easy ways and tougher times, how to be deal and cope each time.
it won't be just school, this contagious energy
will ball and roll into everything else she attempts :)
and even when she falls, she knows God's loving hands will be there to cradle her
"Thank you for the music, the songs they're singing
Thanks for all the joy their bringing.
Who can live without it, i ask with all honesty
what would i be?
without a song or dance, what are we
so i thank Heaven for the music, for giving it to me...."---edited from ABBA
perfect lyrics which summed up the trailing end of my night,
completely exhausted, embarassed yet still contented,
that though the ageing limbs felt like foreign friends to me,
they have not crumbled under immense "torture" today....
seriously, one dec worth of holidays, can cause serious damage....
yet, still find bits of energy left somewhere, as i took a nice slow ride home, plugged into my MP3
and having squirts of ideas for lessons tmr.
Well, God is working OT today, cant thank him enough for it.
For those who looked at my facebook status and wondered why iv been so happy,
well Christmas hasnt ended for me yet...it's still getting better....
Who ever said you had to own a million bucks to feel like one? :P
Monday, January 05, 2009 / 12:38 AM
as a child we were blessed to see many things through rose tinted lens
and in our small, limited world, perfection was many things
it was seeing our parents bring us out on a Saturday morning for McDonald's breakfast
it was being the one to put that star on the Christmas tree
and having many presents on Christmas Day
it was having the best grades in class and waving the report book excitedly in front of our parents.
it was nice when perfection was alwaz so achievable, within reach of our little grasp
ironically, perfection drifted away
as we became more knowledgeable while growing up
as we watched the news from day to day and see that ugliness in the world, which tears humanity apart
as we saw the horrors of what a fellow human being can do, to cheat, to abuse others in the minority groups.
we gapped away from perfection as our bars of expectations rose
now earning as much as out parents werent gd enough, we should be earning more
through these "wiser" and "learned" eyes,
we stopped building dreams
we forgot about the dreams we had as a child
and with the passing on of years
we start to see cracks in what used to be perfect in our mind
the very family we were raised in, don't seem quite the way we want its
when people we honour and respect fail us,
more and more, im not dealing too well with this situation
i have run away, kept my distance, said my piece, protested to the one i still want to love
but while i've been happy on the run, theres that nudging at the back of my head,
knowing that i should be doing more about this, addressing it, making my feelings known
tonight is the first time, im seating my feelings down about this
the first open examination of what im feeling
it's no longer angst, anger, frustration
it's a mounting fear of helplessness, and inability to draw myself closer in
it's the awareness that i need to honour my father n mother in theory,
but in practice, there are many decisions and actions they take which im critical about
it's knowing that im failing as a child, and daughter,
and an even more bitter admission that the family unit is crumbling...
and when perfection of such sees cracks
and i am conciously looking at ways to psych myself that i can make it through all this
knowing that i can create and place imptance in other things which can and will make me happy,
i wonder at the same time, how long this denial will last,
until the next time...
Thursday, January 01, 2009 / 10:36 PM
i looked with anticipation towards Christmas,
which came and passed quietly
then festivity built up towards the new year
but first, staff meeting and deployment
it was a mixture of feelings when 31st december camei didnt know if i wanted to wish him a happy birthday
but dear mummy was so sweet to buy a cake n all
it was the last day of a year which saw disappointments, pain, loss,
periods of insecurity, irresponsibilities, poor health, escapism
and i fear to think,
"would 2009 see the same shit?"
i refuse to sink back into sloth and the worst of me
so god decided to treat me to a crowded, warm sight at Nativity's
with closer new friends, a new group (LWAE--Lord's way, is THE Way)
and good mahjong session with familiar faces
just moments after moments of bliss, happiness, blessings and Jem.
something must have gone awfully right this end of the year
it's many awesome days
fabulous in every way
fulfilment in little things
satisfaction through small ways :)
enough for now, michelle
you're drowing in this newfound adrenaline and high.
scary.
