Friday, October 31, 2008 / 9:52 AM
i heave a sigh to the close of another week. Funny how weekends don't seem to count anymore as days.
It's been a short, rushed journey of self discovery..amid the anxiety and bundles of nerves, it's been a consolance, finding trickles of satisfaction with what i'm doing. once or twice, the determined michelle stands up to the new and unfamiliar to say, "Bring it on!" Lil Stacie ever so often assures me, comforting, though, possibly biased she may be.
but the emotional life is swinging. I don't quite like this sense of void and dissatisfaction that creeps up when i don't expect. i don't like looking forward to days with chirpiness and high expectations, only to be doused and influenced by your boredom and unenthusiasm. Hate it when frequencies don't match. Such a spoiler really.
so for now, il just bury myself in the responsibilities of work. Play, you can stay aside for awhile. :(
Monday, October 27, 2008 / 11:58 AM
yin yang carrot cake
Blissful weekend
to be surrounded by my favouritest people
fatty, chubby, lawrie, parry esp...
Sweet weekend
to be enjoying the setting sun at sentosa
and "jazz" under the stars...*heh, many jokes about The Other*
Thankful weekend
for the extra monday off,
the mahjong session,
the time to play tennis,
to sleep in late,
successfully present the ideas at church meeting
to have breakfast with you :)
my martian and histoty. my love
just short of some pictures to capture the broad smile, crinkles at my eyes, the guffaws when we sit and chat over evrything and nothing. Love you with all i have folks. :)
cheers,
*with that teh-o in hand* to the late night folks on a public holiday eve--Parry, Lawrence, Chubby and Fatty
Saturday, October 25, 2008 / 8:58 PM
a Monologue. Just Me Rambling...
it's nice just sitting at the lappie, with the comfiest, most relaxed you at the corner of my eye.
a simple, easy achievable kind of idea love.
chelle, are u being too unambitious?is it a contradiction to be easily contented, and to be ambitious and competitive at the same time?
how do i convince myself and drive myself to keep striving higher, further, greater,
when i seem to already have what i want..
of course, having a hotter body, more discipline to dance, could be the icing to top it all off :)there are constantly things coming my way. it would be scary when all the flurry stops. i'm just glad that through the blur and rush of the weekdays, there are sweet, relaxing weekends like today,
to give me time to breathe, smile and enjoy the breeze
Sunday, October 19, 2008 / 11:03 PM
i am truly in love with the fattest. and the best part. he knows it, without me saying.
a lot of times i want to thank you
for being the jeremy you are now.
but i catch myself, and think,
iv been the best michelle you could have too.
when we held hands last night and chatted under the clear night sky
we knew, both outright and inside,
it's our time,
it's this love, this certainty
it's this understanding and bliss we've been soaking in
it's right, and we know it.
it's what makes us trudge forward
and overlook the lil hiccups in the everyday
it's this pillar of strength and welcoming arms
which grabs me n keeps me safe in this world i don't agree with sometimes.
it's comfortable. it's goofy. it's uncool.
but
it's real. it's hilarious. it's contentment.
it's mine.
thanks for your love, fattest.
as far as your waist stretches..that still dsnt measure up to how much i love you :)
I Wanted You
Lately I've been thinking 'bout wat i can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way
I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me I, I am sorry I.. I am sorry I, I
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
was listening to this song and reading your blog. and lil girl, i wonder, if there were things i didnt do, enough to make you try..somewhere, i didnt see you running down this line...were there times where you needed me to be patient juz dat second longer, but i turned harsh...were there times where you yelled and i should have kept my cool...
i wonder myself, if il ever be..just the right teacher, the right fit. To know when to do wad, how to do wad..to decipher, discern, decide when and what is right...am i caught in between me n the system that governs me, where sometimes, i cant give you the best answers? and amid all this questions lil girl, would you be better, under someone else's care?
Monday, October 13, 2008 / 6:06 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008 / 11:47 AM
A rare sight,
but something for me to indulge anyway :)
for those who can't see
it's DBSK and Fahrenheit
though the latter cant sing, act nor dance anything like DBSK :p
Wednesday, October 08, 2008 / 12:39 PM
i find myself revelling in small, daily packages of joy, like sharing a seat with you, as we brainstorm over what to do with your namecard. I become extra thankful when nasty, unexpected things hit me, like my podie hanging, and it all works out in the end, though it took the entire afternoon n night. i congratulate myself more for small achievements, as i slog and finish up most of my English marking.
Pathetic to you?
At least, they can tide me over the knowing that iv a bundle of unfulfilled dreams still waiting for me, for time, for my next phase of life to arrive. No, i'm nt waiting for fate to bring me somewhere better. Im just finding my recipe to a more satisfying and contented life at present, where little things count. Where michelle can stop being so hard and critical on herself once in awhile.
and in a split second of insecurity, i thank all of you, for loving
this me
Tuesday, October 07, 2008 / 12:11 AM
i thot that on a night's off like this, when i do my own thing, mind my own business, catch up with my own breath and time, music would be the first thing i need, to set the mood..
but sometimes, music becomes noise, when you're trying to untangle things in ur life. UNtangle the thots which friends you don't expect bring it up, outta the blue. They make me think,
"where is the old chelle? the big dreams? the full time dance and part time everything else?"
you said that it is probably cuz of the life iv had so far, which restricts me, which hinders the gutsy chelle in me to curl up n say no to opportunities. perhaps.
another someone brought to mind sumthing. maybe cuz iv been selfish, calculating only for myself, my future, my dreams, my life, therefore God hasnt given me what i keep wanting and working for.
"when you give, I give you more"
so let it be my prayer to look beyond me, and recognize the tatters in this world around. Take away the lens of envy, and focus on the blessings.
Blessings in friends whom keep me company in the wee hrs of tonight,
blessings in closer friends whom i share my insecurities, my life, my silliness and my joys with
blessings in the jolly mom dat welcomes me home every night,
in the god given gifts, wrapped in all shapes, sizes, textures and personalities.
i see the miracle in my life, yet i understd the need not to be my comfort zone for too long. i appreciate the stability n contentment, yet i have to force myself to pursue more to keep my content and appreciation of this life. Its ironic. people think i pursue, because im unhappy.
when i talk about it, i do sound unhappy, but what is a life without pursuit?
and as much as i hate quoting my dad, well he is right.
"at this point, just do the best in the areas He puts you in, and when he has plans for you to move on, He'll have decided for you, dat you're moulded and learnt enough to move onto something else. Dont alwaz b hasty to plan for yourself. Work within his plans for you."
So, tonight, michelle will wait in her silence. It's been a good night friends.
Friday, October 03, 2008 / 1:27 PM
fluey gluey..
not breathing properly, not tasting normally
painful even when i'm drinking. bah.
the only consolation really, when im indoors,
is knowing that for the next week, all i need to do is mark and invigilate.
for once in a loong time this year, there is truly nothing at the back of my mind nagging at me.
I can say honestly, that i am relaxed and rested.
and my bonus for taking MC, is DBSK! :)
the continuous play of their videos and finding back the feeling of knowing them
haha. such a fan girl post
but in reality, im glad i found dat silly goose, dat thinking dude, the one im most comfy with,
thanx jem, for being my edward, my junsu, my pachebel...
for the music, laughter, love, life and support you give me
i am truly in love with you, now, more than iv ever been :)
aishiteru.
Thursday, October 02, 2008 / 9:49 AM
thank you for loving mefor being my strength when i am weakfor bearing with me and letting me do what would make me happiest,like propping my leg like a princess in the car, or buying me flowers and concert tickets when its a "blooming waste of money."for staying up late at night, though you're tired to put a smile on my face and soothe my restlessness.for bringing me out, around and even shopping with mefor waking up every morning at ridiculous timings to drive me to schoolfor seeing the good in me that i don't seefor being my rationale, for setting me thinking about things in OUR lifefor influencing me to enjoy chilli and salmon :)for being my reason to smile, even in the midst of doing sumthingfor being my xing fu. you are my xing fu. more than anything else. :)
yin yang carrot cake
my martian and histoty. my love
