Saturday, December 29, 2007 / 3:33 AM

Happy Rambles

snowflakes and carols,

things i wish for each Christmas

my picture perfect fireplace,

with family and friends surrounding

The warm glow of the candle,

the whiffs of yummy turkey

the ringing of laughter and music fills the air

I dream of piano and violin strings

playing in harmony to my favourite tune

The perfect voice to that familiar song

just cheers the heart a lil more

A lil romance in this season of magic

to hold your hand as we stroll down the streets

The glistening lights sparkling the plain night sky

completes the moment when your lips find mine.

and my heart takes a skip,

with your kiss another leap

It's a rosy scene, this 12 days of Christmas

counting down this year with all my precious

and as Christmas twinkle to an end, the bright lights, the carols dim in my head, the inertia to start work, sets in, heavy on these shoulders which has gotten accustomed to the free and easy time ive been enjoying the past 3 weeks. What will the new year have in stall for me, i cant hep but wonder..i need to convince myself that there are the new challenges and satisfaction il gain, to get myself outta this bliss, this lull im in...

i've found many gifts in '07 and stumbled upon many beautiful moments. Iv crossed paths with more people who brightened my life, like colours on a plain canvas..ive seen you when you truly cared for and loved me...the home cooked meals, the hand holding, the sms-es and the list goes on...ive enjoyed dat familiarity with you gals, whom i can be myself with completely, gush over the 5 men, go shopping, lepak at bucks, watch perfs, musicals with...and you dearlings from times of old, where the past holds us close till today...and so may others come to mind this Christmas...the coach, berd, the illusion hotties, the buggies, the historians..........so thankful...so blessed...for you, you and you.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 / 9:56 AM

Halfway through the first reading,

he took glances at me, not saying much..

wondering y, i gave him a puzzled look

and he whispered how he had a overwhelming urge to ask me to be his girlfriend

that instant, that moment in church

and in all that simplicity that words could fill

that moment in church was the sweetest

at 4.40 on Christmas morning, we looked up again, realising the sky has cleared...

not many stars greeted us, but it was pretty enuff..

and he said, "be mine.."

Sunday, December 23, 2007 / 1:04 AM

i like the way your eyes falls on me,
the way your hand finds mine

i like how you kiss me awake
and even in my slumber, you make my life feel so sweet

i adore the way you grin and act up,
the way you laugh at yourself (and let me laff at you) over your new muffins :)

I feel blessed when you say thank you
and the simple 3 words

i like being your lil one,
silly, jealous, worried, plushie, sleepy all in 1

and even when im all of the above,
i like how you pull me closer, squeeze my hand and make me feel alright again

i like you,
whether its sunny or drizzly outside
i like it more, when i sit with you and watch the rain go pitter patter

and this December feels more and more perfect,
with our favourite Christmas tune in the stores

and as Christmas draws even nearer,
i like how the Christmas spirit is making us fall in love more and more

i like our dance of life
where we take turns to step forward, sometimes back
at other times, one may jump, fly or take a leap,
but we continue to move in perfect coordination

Thursday, December 20, 2007 / 12:19 AM

and with such perfection, my night came to a close,

remembering the surprise at the string ensemble in the underpass,

playing the sound of my favourite tune

and my favourite boy holding my hand

i watched them laugh and at moments couldnt help bt tickle with laughter too

just thankful to be apart of all this love

loving him and being loved in return

i feel like raising my champagne, clinking my glass with a childlike glee

and proposing a toast to whoever has been blessing me with this pre-christmas gifts

and i thought we lost that sparkle we shared every Christmas..well perhaps we did, but God sure gave us new sparkles and magic to be contented about...:) thanks for the smile you possess, the laughter you bring, and the bliss you stir up in me, each time you pull me close for a simple kiss..

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 / 4:56 PM

my precious sis

god given family..dear cousins who grew up with me!

happy go lucky, mr easygoing, cute grin kaikun

and the latest miss texas :) and glam teacha miss sim sim! :)
just stretching evry second of my time...wishing the world would slow down, wishing and praying..lazy old me just want to enjoy this perfect moment, perfect me time, with my christmas cuppa in hand, and plugged into my fav playlist of songs...

the dread and inertia already set in while i was on the plane, along the aisle, restless from thoughts of starting work again...am i the only one, so lethargic, and unmotivated? possibly...:(

although im weeks frm the tail end of 2007, the mental list of resolution is already like the royal scroll...weaving in my mind....So many areas of my life lacking, not the material, but the spiritual and emotional growth, or change rather...theres a fear to stagnate, and be unchanging...unchanging with times, with experiences...sumtimes i think, even a drop in progress is better den a stagnation. at least the former can push us into a panic and force us to climb again...

Starting to read again, *another thing on my grand scroll of resolutions*...finally a book i picked up which i dun wanna stop reading..thankew paulo coelho :) need my share of new perspectives and ideas, about life, people, and the mundane evryday...need dat injection of new thoughts to inspire and be in a better position to share with my kiddos and those i meet...been hearing so many stories, stories which gets swept under the carpet or hidden in the closet den forgotten with time..and besides the usual listening, advising and being there, i havnt had time to take stock of my own short stories in my life.

well, still some random thoughts not sorted out, shall keep it quiet till the next entry i guess...right now, i should get started on work..

when god gave me family and friends, he decided to make me one lucky girl..thanks for sharing these random moments of my life...in spore, in taipei, in school, at home, at bucks....thankew :)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 / 3:05 AM

im falling into this romantic mood, to the tune of this song, crooning in my ear
and in the quiet of the night, im looking out of my window, counting the stars..it feels picture perfect..

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 / 10:16 PM

my turn to fly...all packed and ready for tomorrow...
sad i don't have your hand to hold, nor you to wave goodbye,
but thanx dear, for the past few days, for the surprises which await me, and the chats which sustains.
I can feel the love growing, now, less scared, less surreal.
Thanks for being mine, and thank god to for you.
For you being decided,
For you loving me
For the jem that plans and thinks for me
For god, who finally gave us a shot at all this

let's never stop loving each other.....let's love each other right..

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we dont know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

Monday, December 10, 2007 / 5:26 PM

DBSK - Rising Sun and O Jung Ban Hap in Beijing

Online Videos by Veoh.com

for people who might not understand how tough it is dancing to a full 10min of pure energy dance...the boys were practically gasping for whatever air they could get towards the end, which explained their slight frowns and all...Alwaz good to see them on stage, cuz they light up any performance with their sheer desire to shine n be good at what they do. :) The same reason why i would travel 6 hrs to meet them.

Sunday, December 09, 2007 / 11:39 PM

when i dance, im off my feet, im flying in my heart,

my mind is in my spirit,

i care about nothing, i care about no one.

My strides feel strong, you may not see it in your eyes,

but i feel it in my heartbeat, in my breath,

And im alive, so alive i feel as if i could go on forever

The adrenaline drains the rest of me,

after the music ends, after the beats rest

God truly indulged me today...in church, at dance, ktv....and yesh imman, even your sms reminded me of God's attention and love..

My fav priest gave homily today, on the Christmas tree as a symbol of God in our lives. Throughout mass, hymns and prayers answered what iv been praying and thinking about...and this Christmas, im asking God for a change of heart, a bigger, lingering heart, one without jealousy, or ill feelings.

Met happy faces at dance. Thanx pat, uncle marcus, for making my morning a good one...for making class a fun one, for making me precious, loved, treasured and for making me feel like the dancer i used to be in the studio...

Been getting lil moments of enlightenment dese days, about myself, what i used to be, what ive become, and what i could be...there are days where i look myself in the mirror and hate what iv become, what i m, for the anger, hurt and void inside which i cant explain, which i cant hide. Even when the sun shines, i could be dark n gloomy inside, being so a part of the real world, i could lose all d faith and light in me. I don't want to be a subject of this world. I want to be YOUR subject, to be lifted day to day, by your grace...to be entrenched in your love, and skip with your energy. i want to be empowered and to empower in my every day, in my lil ways....and imman, thanx fer affirming that, in your totally unexpected sms...you did magic to my night, just by sending dat sms. :)

and with the hols, the crowd and chaos beginsto feel like the world is rolling by at a pace quicker den usual..but princesses...thanx fer being my breather, for allowing me to juz be me. Bingz and pammie, whether its at work or at play, u guys chase my blues away...and it felt so good, just sitting right there, eating, singing, laughing, talking...so precious...

its the lil things that makes me feel blessed all over again...and i know this feeling, this feeling dats so nice...and i wanna keep this feeling longer this time, without holding too tite...just want to see you in evrything that comes my way...keep your chin up chelle, you've got god right behind you :)

Feeling dressy

Feeling touristy

Being cam-whorish!

i want to keep this feeling, this overwhelming feeling of being blessed and loved.
Blessed with friendships, loved by those i treasure.
Blessed with laughter, with the gift of hearing
so i can enjoy the tunes of Christmas and human voices.
so i can watch the rigour in the musicians' eyes, and hear the sound of violing,
a perfect compliment to their rounded voices.

Thanks KK for treating bingz n i to your performance..

i want to value their voices...their music and song when im alone on my way home
i want to keep the picture of our laughter, over dbsk, over pretty shoes and Christmas outfits,
Over Japan, Taipei, food and fashion
i want to remember God's love, in that M1 voucher i just received, in the pressies Mr Yello bought in Shanghai...with me in his mind..

and as all this blessings swim my way, where my 10 fingers are insufficient to keep count,
i can smile n, do my work
i can convince myself to work harder.
i can see the stars peeping from the clouds
i can laugh love and tumble like a child

and i wanna multiply my blessings,
and i wanna share my joy,
i wanna bring you laughter,
i wanna make you feel loved and treasured

Friday, December 07, 2007 / 10:01 PM

the games we played...

the food we ate....

the uber good student who argues with me :)

the uber good student who works with me :)

the uber good student who listens to me :)

and in my most unexpected moment, already unglamourous and tired from being squashed with the working crowd, i heard your voice. Fuzzy and muffled as it might, against a bustling background, it brought all the comfort i needed this friday night...:)

and time has made this period so hard to bear....at times i would space out, other times il just rush home to my cosy nest...thank god for the seconds which tick quickly past with the company of great friends and loved ones...

-just hearing your voice and parts of ur Japan adventure made me laugh princess...and berd, last night was hilarious with u..rather, with junsu and micky too :) Imman and abi...so sweet just to chill in that cozy corner, reminiscing on the people we met, and quirks, theirs and ours...cant wait to meet up and play games again...and Carol dear, it'll be endless thanks if i wanted to show you all my gratitude...for your company and friendship all these years...and more importantly, for never judging me...Jen and Jasmin, you just fill my mind, with msgs online, letting me know, we miss each other so, as far apart as we might be! :) and to those cute 14 yr olds...thanx for your treat and our date yesterday!

and im in my cosy spot right now, all sloppy and stoned once more. But with every breath and sigh....i just wanna thank the blessings and love that the big Dad above has showered me with

Thursday, December 06, 2007 / 11:23 AM

these days, the weather's been so perfect...and waking up to another cool, slightly chilly morning, while im tucked under those comforters, feels like a blessing in itself.

Sitting up in bed, still dreamy, still drowsy...

Still feeling the bliss from our chat last night...

Thanking God silently in my heart, for these mornings when i wake up to thoughts of u...

where i wake up, and the first thing that floods my mind, was all the sweet happy things we spoke about last night.

and in these mornings, lazy as i am, im feeling like the world's happiest, most blessed and contented girl again...

so..good morning sunshine! good morning world!

time to roll off my cosy nest and get ready for town!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 / 4:12 PM

and april rolled on to may, the surprise your first email brought, snowballed to another whirlwind of emotions..sometimes, looking back is good, it helps us appreciate the present better.

Sometimes the past helps us see, what we have failed to see in the present. Especially when things were simpler than, more rational than things are now. In the same absence, you got me missing you, just like in the past, you got me wanting to hear from you, read your blog, just hoping to see you, in any form, through any means available. And as April rolled on to May, i saw how lil rina's face lit up with hope, then fell again....

Maybe it's just been such a long tiring cycle, that any ounce of anger extinguished, more nerves and fear, to know you were home, but we were not meeting up. and the lil fighter became more nonchalant, by the time you gathered your guts to ask her out....

And all these years of friendship came rushing back, chatting at the park, watching me swing on the swings, chatting in the serene of the night, in the church balcony, sharing ice cream, drinks, feelings, tears. (mine of course)

and more memories build, more than i thought we had, as i bring all this back to the present, just lying on your bed, as you mug away at night. Or having you throw that highlighter at me, and breaking up into mini bouts of silly laughter even amidst your stress.

And your girl, santarina, lil fighter, is taking her baby steps to facing the past, but confronting it with the present. And know that her strength comes from you. Your choice gave her access to hug that *ahem body of yours....gives her the right to lean right into you expecting you to catch her when she falls (so train up those *ahem arms pls :)). And her entitlement to all the lil pecks and kisses, when you reassure her. Last, but not least, her greed for your love, knowing that she'll love and treat you the best way she noes too. :) well for starters, you know she makes your bed, though right now, shez sure she cant cook as well as you :) oopsie...

and in all these funny, clumsy ways we'll get along, living each day simple, entertaining ourselves with our fav vids, serials, food, and beloved friends. She'll wanna be your lucky star, though she whines at how your circle has limited her to Hougang...but she noes wen you pamper her, and bring her out for movies, jap food and ice cream...

so may rolled many stressful, busy months into december. Shez settled at a new school, new colleagues, new CCA...and you, busying with fyp, and still playing the role of being MAN in the house...and she looks at you, through these newfound respect and awe, (occassional awe) that her best bud before has grown up alot...and she loves both the boy and man in you :)

This december, this Christmas, God brought us our gifts much earlier..cuz as May rolled into December, God brought me you. A certain you, a decided you, a you i can hold, hug, lecture, nag and scold..:p

and wherever you are now dear, no matter how cold, i hope this entry would turn up those ends of your lips, and bring that twinkle in your eyes...It' s hard to read in yello, but, yello has alwaz been what your msgs should be painted in...cuz i wrote it, this time, with sunshine in my heart.

cant tell who this is??

this crazy princess who has armoured herself with pillows and bolsters!

yummy but chao-ta melted ham and cheese in foccacia brekkie!

simple handmade earrings, from the princess herself!

woke up with a wheezy nose this morning, and to the sound of pouring rain outside...A familiar sense of bliss, cosiness floods, the feeling of being inside, while it pours outside...just as i would stare endlessly outta the starbucks glass panes...at the working people rushing by cityhall, so many years ago as i was mugging for my uni exams..

Had a great girls slumber 'party', with DBSK in it! haha..thanx pammie for housing me, keeping me warm...if theres anywhere to see a person's real self, its at home, where she was the semi-queen, being anal about what was put where, and *haha* determined about extermination about a certain species in the house...(shant smear your reputation and mention what it is)

anyway, just caught news of the Thailand bombing again, wishing fangting well as shez there now. Extra thoughts of Bings, Jem and i think Celia, who's overseas right now. I know that wherever you are, God will be sending his many angels to watch over you and keep you safe. And thank god for bringing carol safely home from cambodia and hk...and for keeping my beloved around me, safe, healthy and happy...esp the Lins, the Pats, the Gohs, and the longtime friends i miss, love and treasure (ivy, pammie, bingz, carol, berd, peiling, jen, jasmine, xuan, gene, jj)

bingz this blog entry is fer you to read when we are all cosy and pammie is far away in nippon land.....

i tell you: she is like dat rude minnie!
no respect fer her nuna! me!

she banned me from singing in her room!

ON top of that! she keeps playing sappy like hell songs, knowing im missing jem!

AND she keeps doing her work! and she dun alllow me to tok!!!!

you see la, she dun let me tok,sing, and she makes me sappy with her tuuuuuuuuupid DANIEL!

BUUT NOw, we are FINAALLLY GONNA WATCH DBSK!! at 1246AM!!!!!!!!!

INCREDULOUS.

BUT I GUESS, WE ALL PUT UP WITH SHIT SUMTIMES, ME YOU PAMMIE....SHIITTY STARBUCKS PRINCESSES WE CAN BE!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007 / 10:16 AM

i like this feeling, just in bed, with my laptop, and music in the background
It makes me feel blessed and in control, of work, of what i do and what i need to do.

I like this feeling, of waking up to see msgs from you, though we are miles apart
it makes me feel loved, wanted and cozy all over inside.

I like feeling good and positive, first thing in the morning,
so i can draw my strength and energy for today.

I noe i'll maximise these days you're away,
to live every moment to the fullest...
and you too alright~
so when we meet on the 17th,
we'll b happy radiant ppl, with loads of things to share with each other!

cheer me on at work ok, as im keeping you in my prayers
and yah. you know. pray hard. :p

Monday, December 03, 2007 / 11:09 PM

Jem and Mich,watching Bleach, and semi packed only

Finally all showered and packed...just moments before leaving the house

That goofy grin, fresh from the shower, looking good and ready to go..gonna miss your smile

the immediate seconds that followed the slamming of the taxi door...i already started missing you badly...to console myself, i only could cab home, back to somewhere cosier, safer, where i can be abit lost, abit sad, and whine till the sun tmr shines again.

but many things im thankful for today, ticking each one off in my heart..im thankful for all the hours i spent with you and the moments we spent laughing,smiling, two goofballs, over Unbeatables, over Mobtv, over you, my obasan :)

even in an ordinary day, i could capture such treasured moments with you, such as when you told me you really didnt wanna lose me, or when i saw you share about what i did to Shijia...did you know, all these gestures meant so much. Even when you were worried about me going home alone, or me dozing off at the study table....thanks dear...for xin-tenging me...

"love grows...." and we will have our memories...my impatience may b a hiccup, but i hope you never give up on me, as long as you still love me yea...and you know, your gal loves ya...

have fun, miles away,
carry my goofy smile with you,
keep a part of my heart with you
to feel all dat you feel, wherever you are

and when we meet again, we'll be steps nearer to Christmas

Sunday, December 02, 2007 / 10:38 PM

我知道我今天说了很多。。。
但这次真得很重要
对你，对我。。。
我一直都以为自己种达不到那个最重要的地位
可是中你口中我才发现
原来我已经是你最想要，最爱的人了
今天早上的恶梦，让你害怕失去我。。。
让你起床时，发决你要的人就在你身边。。。

笨笨的我就是那位小公主
这真的是我的幸福。。。
谢谢你小黄。。
谢谢你的真心话，你的耐心和你的努力。。。
让我是快乐地度过过没有你的今晚。

keep ur head up
and never let anyone get you down....

这些话听了好多次
你说过，朋友也念过
谢谢你们那么看好我哦！

我希望我在你心里是你的100分
也贪心地希望我是你唯一爱的人
不要把心里了任何部分用来爱别人好吗？
我的外星人，我的小胖子，我的黄先生，好吗？

i guess i owe my thanks to those we alwaz believed in me, who dun quite like to see me insecure and feeling small...jen jen, jj, thanx....and you..for alwaz nagging that i shld nv think like a minion :)

just like sand in your hands,
when you clutch too tightly, wanting to hold on
you lose the grains that slips through your fingers

and yet when you leave your palm wide open,
the wind comes, and blow the grains away

and in between if i cower my fingers,
so awkwardly, not knowing really how tightly or loosely i should hold,
after sometime, i may doubt myself, my strength, my patience,
and juz completely let go

so lord, help me when im clueless,
when im guessing and swimming too much in my thots
help me feel you and see you in this relationship,
dat certainty, dat assurance dat nothing else can give
grant me lord, i pray, that in the mistakes i make, the arguments we may haf,
dat good will come out of it :)

and to jem
this is just for you
i could doubt and waver
i could still be scared dat this relationship was wrong to start with, a mistake down the road
but for now, im sure,
dat i really wanna spend god given, happy moments with you
and this plump gal here, (unfortunately for you)
loves you very much!

your santarina, this christmas, and hopefully, if god permits,
for many christmases to come.

Saturday, December 01, 2007 / 12:31 AM

就这样吧。。。

可能这种空虚会渐渐消失。。。

可能我的无助会与日减少。。。

就可能。

可能在下一个呼吸里，我的心会放下多一点包袱，抛下那几秒的哀声。

也许在瞬时间，在我无防备的那刹那，他会让我的心又灵活起来，让它又有小鹿乱撞的心情。就也许吧。。。

当那忽然的幸福涌向我的时候，

我会睁大双眼，就只看他一个人，

他的微笑，他看着我的俏皮眼神，

对他出乎预料的举动。

就是他那忽然涌过来，对我笑，还在我额头亲亲的侵我一下，

感到那收不住的快乐，

陪同他一起笑着，闹着，

就那几秒的吵闹，但却足够了

就够让我那不安的心定下来，

让我那傻笑再次回到脸上

又把我的今天完美的结束了。

你可能会让我心痛，

你可能会使我感伤

但到头来，我希望你还是那位，为我点亮幸福蜡烛的人。

这才是我就完美的圣诞礼物 :)

he melted me with just one glance,

he laughed at me, keeping warm under his sheets

and taking just seconds off his work for a bit

he came over and left a lil peck on my forehead

unexpected and unguarded,

i couldnt help but laugh,

at myself n my insecurities before

i know they might come back n haunt me

i know i may turn emo and down

but for now, these lil gestures keep me going,

they make me feel loved, they make me smile

and wen i stand with you, in the light,

just two of us, no one else within our sight

the seconds are magic, laughing, dancing or juz hugging you

cuz dats where u feel the most real, most comforting

dats where i feel like a blissful angel, where work slides to the back of my mind

thankew mr yello, as 25th draws near,

ure my best present already, just having you this christmas. :)

looking forward to dublin mudslide later! :) diet xmas can come in afterward okie!