Thursday, April 26, 2007 / 9:51 PM
*halftime*
midway through all the preparations....went back to my lil haven in the staff lounge today.pondering...wondering....where did i go wrong? m i losing u all.. 骂也骂了。。ive cajoled, coaxed, ive even tried ignoring..ignoring the noise you put up to ignore me....still you all go on....and on....its not me that shld be angry....its the others in the class...the others who wants to learn, wants to score for the exams...the others who apologize on ur behalf....the others who gives me reason and motivations to keep working....
it will alwaz come back to haunt me...insecurities and questions...about my teaching about what i do..about what i fail to do...giving u the content is ez...but what makes u learn? what makes u register what i say?? im still muddling my way ard...
i know il miss teaching the classes at zhonghua if im posted elsewhere...already, with the nearing of exams and the end of english lessons, i miss teaching them...but they are a great bunch, a great bunch to be talking to...a great bunch to be laughing with....the class unity is amazing....n i hope they will alwaz keep working hard this way... "do what u know is best for you..do it for urself, do it as a class...people will rem u fer the great things uv accomplished" at least i know i will...great things in small ways...in the small ways of everyday..in the way u decide to do ur work, to emo but still do ur work...in the small ways u remind teachers that u r worth our time and effort..students can really make such an impact in a teacher's life.
to those im still fighting with...sumtimes i wana say sorry, for making u bored of history, for making u dislike the subject, for making u feel: "arrgh what is she talking about?! i dun understd..' iv been thru all dat n i know how dat feels...diz has alwaz been my greatest fear...dat il end up being the kind of teacher i hated wen i was in sch...the many ways i fumble, mess up...in the many moments im blur, give the wrong info...sigh.....i struggle to be the teacher in control, the know it all...the teacher who can answer u in the best way u can understd....but i dun alwaz succeed..the worst thing is, as much as ppl alwaz say...."it's a learning experience..." i can learn...bt the kids im teaching now...how?
praying hard..praying fer the intelligence, the wit, the skill....to connect, to teach, to manage the students...to help them know, understand and learn....its my prayer, today, tmr, and everyday as a teacher...not just their books...education is for life....a person is nt measured by their intelligence alone...so much to your life...to your talents which i do not possess...work hard now, and enjoy doing what u like, what u choose to, later...
The Girl Inside
Michelle,
seeking the best in her, yet looking at her best days unfolding right before her at the same time.
contact her at: inspiremydance@hotmail.com
"It's not how hard you fall, but how hard you fight back."
Look at the stars, and not the reflection of the moon.
~endless time in the studio
~more cuppa time with dearlings
~travel more places
~dressing up
~getting that diver's license by 2009
