Sunday, April 29, 2007 / 6:44 PM
......love me, that's all i ask of you.........phantom of the opera...it transformed the ordinary, avant garde durian of a theatre....into the grand, majestic english globe theatre types.....yes..it took many breaths away.......Andrew Lloyd Webber's genuity gives new meaning to being the angel of music....the sopranos....Raoul......Phantom........well chosen cast...could be better, but still left me at the edge of my seat, slinging to evry note, every effect, every change of the spotlight. Many years ago..in the humble Kallang theatre, this very musical imprinted memories of the enchanted christine, the pitiful and gentle Phantom, scenes of the falling chandelier...of the lake, away from the eyes of the world...a world where Phantom created for himself, where he was master of his music, where he was not scorned......Today, this musical again relit the same awe in me, tho that little gal has grown up to love other forms of music, other forms of dance...but the love for musicals, the love especially for Phantom of the Opera never quite left....inside the theatre, one seemed to be transported into another world...in the darkness, song, dance and lights come alive...the presence of the orchestra pit, plays music that fills every inch of the theatre....the performers hold our undivided attention....until the call for intermission hits us back to the humble and less than glamourous reality.....Just thankful for today....thankful and not regretting that i paid for these tix soo long ago in Nov...they were worth every cent....they inspire..they dwell on, music in my head, in my heart..........All i ask of you....and music of the night shall accompany me tonight....Then say you'll share with me one love one lifetime...say the word n i will follow you..share each day with me each night each morning.....say u love me.....love me that's all i ask of you.....
Saturday, April 28, 2007 / 1:43 PM
i didnt know you before, perhaps saw you before..but never taught you before....a morn with a bad throat...a morn where i was in no mood to scold anyone...and you all, strangers to me, started my day so well, i believe you were angels from god...you only saw me for a period...but you will never know that you gave me such a good start to the my day, thinking about the 冷笑话 you said made me laugh to myself...thanx fer keeping the class quiet fer me, fer reminding them to play their music softly, for reminding me that i still enjoy this job of teaching and interacting with students....anyway...iv been going in circles too...secretly i hope that wen i walk out, someone will still walk the new path with me...someone, be it new or familiar....but someone who knows im the one he wants to walk with....
Friday, April 27, 2007 / 7:14 AM
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anyway...im so proud of my lil sis...everyone!! this gal beat sports school badminton doubles....wooohoooo......so sei la ms nicole lin!! so proud leh....way to go xinmin badminton B gals!! hahah
it feels like i lost again...alwayz hits me outta nowhere...but how can you lose when u never lost?
it feels like i lost again...alwayz hits me outta nowhere...but how can you lose when u never lost?
Thursday, April 26, 2007 / 9:51 PM
*halftime*
midway through all the preparations....went back to my lil haven in the staff lounge today.pondering...wondering....where did i go wrong? m i losing u all.. 骂也骂了。。ive cajoled, coaxed, ive even tried ignoring..ignoring the noise you put up to ignore me....still you all go on....and on....its not me that shld be angry....its the others in the class...the others who wants to learn, wants to score for the exams...the others who apologize on ur behalf....the others who gives me reason and motivations to keep working....
it will alwaz come back to haunt me...insecurities and questions...about my teaching about what i do..about what i fail to do...giving u the content is ez...but what makes u learn? what makes u register what i say?? im still muddling my way ard...
i know il miss teaching the classes at zhonghua if im posted elsewhere...already, with the nearing of exams and the end of english lessons, i miss teaching them...but they are a great bunch, a great bunch to be talking to...a great bunch to be laughing with....the class unity is amazing....n i hope they will alwaz keep working hard this way... "do what u know is best for you..do it for urself, do it as a class...people will rem u fer the great things uv accomplished" at least i know i will...great things in small ways...in the small ways of everyday..in the way u decide to do ur work, to emo but still do ur work...in the small ways u remind teachers that u r worth our time and effort..students can really make such an impact in a teacher's life.
to those im still fighting with...sumtimes i wana say sorry, for making u bored of history, for making u dislike the subject, for making u feel: "arrgh what is she talking about?! i dun understd..' iv been thru all dat n i know how dat feels...diz has alwaz been my greatest fear...dat il end up being the kind of teacher i hated wen i was in sch...the many ways i fumble, mess up...in the many moments im blur, give the wrong info...sigh.....i struggle to be the teacher in control, the know it all...the teacher who can answer u in the best way u can understd....but i dun alwaz succeed..the worst thing is, as much as ppl alwaz say...."it's a learning experience..." i can learn...bt the kids im teaching now...how?
praying hard..praying fer the intelligence, the wit, the skill....to connect, to teach, to manage the students...to help them know, understand and learn....its my prayer, today, tmr, and everyday as a teacher...not just their books...education is for life....a person is nt measured by their intelligence alone...so much to your life...to your talents which i do not possess...work hard now, and enjoy doing what u like, what u choose to, later...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007 / 9:17 PM
phew....rush rush rush....i tried my best guys...been staring at the screen non stop the past few days, hopefully..all will go well...i know its come to the end for many of the trainees, congrats to those who did well fer practicum! You are survivors! haha a sense of nostalgia washes over me as pammie reminds me that just a few months ago, practicum had seemed a long time away, and now...we are all nearing the end....the light at the end of the tunnel and i hope it hasnt been too dark a journey...well, miss lin aint too done with her observations...so a lil fear still sparkles inside me...occassionally, my butterflies will still flutter inside my tummy when i think back on the bad obs iv had...cant help it...whether or not an ob went well...truth is, we alwaz gave our best, our time, our efforts...sometimes however, i think the energy spent on worrying far exceeds that of work preparation...but for all the good obs...im glad the hard work paid off...i know my CTs have been kind, generous and frank with advice, solutions, offering their help, taking their time off to answer to my doubts, clear my fears, predict my future (haha dun u think teachers do that, they foresee your lesson by merely looking at the 2 pg lesson plan, amazing).Im very grateful....especially since zhss is shorthanded in the history department and everyone has been very forthcoming in offering their help...谢谢!Through it all, im really grateful to my NIE sup, Mr Sim.....for being so cool and relaxed with me...for being so spot on in advising me...for giving me no stress at all even during observations...for alwaz watching my back, and making sure that my welfare has been taken care of..yesh..i do feel taken care of...very much indeed..hmmm...thotful mode today..think cuz alot has rushed past me the past few days...been evaluating the effectiveness of my teaching and all...they say that your friends are your best reflections...sometimes, i think because my frenz are so great in what they do...i c more flaws in myself...but we are all here to share ideas, remind each other..counsel and advise each other....anyway....LISTEN UP! its one week to exams and ms lin is freaking out!!!!!!! ahhhh....scary thots flood me...honestly, let me indulge and let out all the anxiety....IF THEY FAIL!! IT'LL BE ALL MY FAULT!! nooooooooooooooooo....NIGHTMARE......I DUN WANNA SCREW UP THEIR LIVES.......ok.....ok....getting back the grip....regaining my composure...haha in pammies words...我是偶像不能失态!hilarious...my princesses keep me going, makes me happy...dbsk sings their songs, reaching out to me in so many ways...the ballads when i need a comforting voice...happy tunes to perk up my energy, esp in the morns...its been gd...god's been kind...so has my loved ones, my frenz, the ones i call in distress...the ones i call, and not mention anything, but will understd how im feeling...anyway...had a gd lil laff in class today..congrats to happy twosomes! hahah make sure u study gd together too! still got more papers coming...gambatte!
FIGHTING!
Monday, April 23, 2007 / 1:55 PM
the school has never been quieter...no occasional jeering, screaming, stomping from the classrooms....the serenity of the day almost surreal, as the minutes tick away....the students getting impatient, others scribbling furiously, some are already day dreaming about what they are gonna do after the paper, "will it be j8? or AMK hub?"....the rest, whose heads lie defeated on the table...some having been in that position since the start of the paper...sigh....even if i dun teach u...even if i only walk by....i wish u wldnt give up...not because i dunno hw it feels like to read questions which makes no sense at all...but because the answers are all in there...at least try to do it...at least know that the teachers are wishing hard with u...and there are the snifflers..whose weapons today include packets of tissue paper....i know its been an endless train of exams, revisions...unpleasant yes, tough yes..but you need a good mind, good nose, good throat to do ur papers alright..pls pile on the vitamin Cs.....you need them....even as an invigilator, theres so much after thots...there are some classes..where you c them writing till the last min....fighting so hard fer the extra marks...hoping that outta all u write, sumthing will make sense...keep fighting!! dun gif up on the paper....fight fight fight....the going gets tough...bt you're tougher than you think....keep your heads up....dun let the papers defeat u...whether its english, history, ss, maths....guys...keep flaunting alright..
Sunday, April 22, 2007 / 3:59 PM
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~ im in such a goood mood today!!! hiphop classes havent lost their magic....it works like dark chocz....gets my adrenaline high!!!
anyway...i know u all are mugging away, stomachs squirming with the thoughts of your paper tomorrow...but jiayou k!!! the end is near...work hard now, and enjoy ur holz after this....u can do it!! remember juz flaunt what u know!
to all my loved ones...from papa, mummy, nicole, to that chubby gal and fat coach.....to the nie practicum teachers...i hope it has been a refreshing weekend...its coming to a brand new week! keep ur heads up and work hard!!!
Love my life...love my friends...fat...bt still loving dance...evry beat and rhythm of it!
sunshine in my heart...stars to light my eyes
Saturday, April 21, 2007 / 3:20 PM
Timeless, sung by Junsu
guy:
我不愿意听你说放弃 累的心仿佛失去全部力气 多想可以继续拥抱你 让爱情用微笑一路走下去
girl:
没了呼吸慢慢我远去 但伤心一直盘旋在那原地 合:我用全力呼喊你 谁静静在听
chelle~结果会由谁决定?等。。但又要等到几时?如果翻来覆去只让你掉泪,让你难过,那么深位朋友的我想告诉你,我只想让你幸福。。。以前是,现在也是。。。当初让你走, 让你不用回头, 是因为我相信,你的幸福不属于我。~Timeless love....but will it lasts because both have chosen to walk away...or will it be timeless because time will bring two lovers together?

2 outta 3 Starbucks Princesses...obviously the 3rd princess is playing camera man today....

After dance...meeting meimei to study together...study?!!! arrrgh....guess im nt free from that word yet....yikes!

nicole lin and michelle lin...one of our sisters day out...think we went shopping....hahah its gotta be....

Ms goh in her geeky glasses...Starbucks princesses all mugging over our fujitsu lappies....enjoying our fav cuppas....yummy..
~~~~taking a short break from work preparations.....as usual getting that tad distracted...but my motto has alwaz been...study hard, play hard....since i cant dance...i shall blog n look at pictures which will brighten up this mugging saturday...
thanx fer all the tags peeps...both young and old...its the weekend...all emo-ing has ceased...cuz its time for mid years revision already!!!gambatte everyone...teachers in boots are out in action today...hahah...enjoying the familiar smell of coffee brewing, looking at dbsk pictures for occasional distractions...mind multitasking between planning for both sec 1 and sec 4 history...enjoy the weekend, even when mugging, dun fergt to enjoy the fresh breeze at your window...dun fergt to be thankful fer parents who care, for music in your ears alright...leave some things behind...n u can walk further with less burden on you shoulders...at the end of the road...someone will be waiting...
Friday, April 20, 2007 / 7:17 AM
once again....
i hear the same words...i see the same dilemma....
change is not a constant...some things just don't change...
i wun deny im disappointed....but im getting used to it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007 / 8:36 PM
u win some...u lose some....
i lost today...not to them...but to me...time to rethink some things, mayb i m doing it all wrong..
at least they gave feedback....
im disappointed in me....
but thanx fer the encouragement...from the lil ones.....
thanx angel...fer the slippers and the smile......
thanx fer the phone call...it helped wen i was still stifling my thots in school.....
anyway...to all mugging away...good luck for the eng papers tmr!! Remember..flaunt whatever u noe yeah!! can do...jiayou jiayou jiayou!!
2 outta 4...hardly glorious, compared to last week....
weak...is an understatement....
I noe the sun will rise...since the time waits fer no one....but juz for now...i wana take a breather...let the world roll by...il catch up later...
defeated...I feel like a battered warrior today...brought down from a height of enthusiasm. Sucked into your whirl of petty debates, petty wars....i lost my gleam of confidence...i looked like a fool standing in front....helpless, seemingly unprepared....my whining spot...juz 5 mins of low point before i recollect my energy for the next class.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007 / 5:58 PM
busted...busted mama...suddenly i feel very insecure...and vunerable to the eyes of the 14 yr olds in my class...u guys shld research just as well for my eng essays...ms liNstorms welcome in brighter days...
Almost busted.....by sheer accident and carelessness on my part again...haha what else can you expect from a silly, sleepy me? happily grabbed my lappy fer class b4 closing my blog window..and it took just one random press on my lappie, b4 my huge face appeared with on the large screen....horror of horrors when i sensed that sudden surge of excitment and energy in class....hahaha...thats not the worst of it...i mean...my english CT was in class with me..she must think im such a clown....
Having said that...actually....how am i really like as a teacher?
Slowing myself down a bit, to think through my lessons....the familiar question starts playing itself in my mind...I know my duties as a teacher...I remember what i wanted to teach to my students....not just lessons..i wanted to teach them life....ambitious..and how much of it have i done so far?
a sense of insecurity washes over me...i don' t think im very effective as a teacher...i have seen so many quiet classes...and here is Ms chubby thing still hustling from one student to another, not alwaz in control of the lesson, not alwaz engaging...still having to check with the senior teachers...the list goes on...but what good is rambling about all these incompetencies?
"Be easy on yourself, "...Really? Should we really be? As teachers, can we really be imperfect in class? in our lessons? But these students that come through our hands, whom we nag at, scold..trust us to know...to know what they don't...can we really afford to falter?
Don't get me wrong...im not in a lousy mood..in fact..i can laugh at myself for being a clown in class...but how forgiving are others? How will others in the same line measure my efficiency as a teacher?..an answer that wun be answered...since evryone has a different style...i cant be stern all the time...it makes me uncomfortable...and i cant teach wen im uncomfortable...in a same way..mayb i have too much fun for my own good...
so much thoughts..all from one lesson, one accident in a lesson....
Many have asked me, Y do u wanna b a teacher? Y bother about the kids that aren't yours??
My answer to them...i grow to love my job more everyday....Model answer isnt it? Well, it is true...
Loving my job, doesnt mean it's easy, doesn't mean i dun haf my bad days...it doesn't mean i do it well....
It means that it motivates me enough to give up dance lessons to prepare my lessons...
It means that at the end of evryday, even though my kids made me upset, or refused to do my work, i return home, able to smile to myself...about the jokes they crack, the many emo moments they go through, the "BYE Ms Lin"s i get as i go out of school...
It means that the same familiar stretch of rd, the familiar breeze of evry morning becomes different because i nv know what new surprises will come my way, as i make my way into the different classes.
So..I do love my job...I like talking to them...knowing that in alot of ways, i havent grown up too much from secondary school...ok i have...sideways dat is...but i remember hating maths, talking to my frenz...where lessons didnt seem as impt....it never does isnt it?If only i could give you your future, let u see how well it could be....For a cedarian who wasn't noticed much in school, nv excelled in her CCA cuz she was more focused on her ballet lessons after school...i grew to love history....in JC....then NUS made me realized how much fun it could be, how challenging it was...esp to an average student. I never knew i would teach one day...it was a path i wanted to avoid...too boring...too many rules....but hey....i wish you could see me now...my teachers who nagged at me, scolded me wen i was a student...i wish i could tell you how i grew to love english, to love the power of words...the satisfaction that i got when i could score for eng, history....wen i passed my maths...and you wld to..as long as you realized what you want in life...its not juz abt passing O Levels dears...its beyond that...*ok stop nagging ms lin*they alwaz say...u know wen u are old, wen you start reminiscing....hahah...especially on a decade old memory..well some will find this blog...some wldnt...anyway...no biggie...im michelle b4 im miss lin...so...i shld stop blogging and prepare for my observations tmr!'nuff verbal vomit chelle...not many call me this nowadays..take care whereever you are...wen the sun still shines...when the breeze still cools...when god still reminds you that he made this world perfect for us...
Monday, April 16, 2007 / 8:55 PM

starbucks?? or....mr pak the pianist....

Theres something captivating about someone who is serious and passionate about his art, his talent...how he lets his fingers run along those keys and make tunes which touches the heart of many....he rocks my world...for now..he makes me happy
princess pak...cant decide if starbucks makes me happier, or mr micky pak..hahah...
in my dreamy state...michelle is sleepy...but..torn...

like any tourist, i queued to get to the highest point in taipei..Taipei 101...to enjoy the nightlights, the bustle of this city im dying to return to..almost there michelle..almost there

The streets of danshui which i miss...the colours and vibrance of an asian city so close...yet right now seem so far away...

The ferris wheel that lights up the glorious night...pretty sights that makes a dreary mon feel much betta....sorrie i juz had to look back at old pix to be happy...hahaha...

old pix, but pictures which i look back to and am reminded of happy, carefree moments....almost dere!!! all the Mr and Ms...jiayou!! almost back to that village...almost back to being minions...bt this time..happy minions...

good days of taipei...one of those mornings which i want to go back to...where i wake up fresh and made up...where im michelle, nt ms lin...i dun hate my job...i juz love holidays more....
morning sweets.....and to anyone who doesnt think you belong to this cateory and is reading this....its another brand new week....hope it started well for you...well if you are reading this at 12, because you juts woke up, You're A PIG! get off your lazy ass and start moving!! If you're like me, where the hustle and bustle of a new week is threatening to start pounding its stresses on you while you're still caught in your surreal world of candy floss and dreamy gardens, pleas ask your friends to slap you awake....
Theres juz no time..no time to catch your breath, no time to pause and straighten out your plan for the day, for the week...im just sitting with my lappie, trying to transport myself into another timezone, where the sun is shining, the weather is cool and the flowers are blooming....caught at this little desk just aint that much of an adventure..
little mind wanders to the weekend that passes too quickly...Again i must thank big dADie for sending angels in the princesses, chubby, alien and taitais to be-berd and peiling for their fabulous company..whether it was over dinner, books, lappies, dance or coffee, they were part of a very relaxed weekend which i enjoyed....For a long time, chubby miss lin hasnt been able to put her books down and not think of school...juz so insecure about going into a class and fouling up...well well...i know...this mindset should change, will change for the better...sooon...as soon as i gt my act in place...
well..too many colleagues walking past, hmmm though i am intending to use blogging for my next eng class..haha tsk tsk scheming like my 1N1 would....but i should stop...stop being the girl who yearns to be in pretty dresses, out enjoying her cuppa...back to being miss lin...
encouraged by those few words....time will tell...let both be happy with life's gifts and surprises for now...
Sunday, April 15, 2007 / 12:48 PM

I see god in you...cuz u share my fears, u hear me whine...you watch me cry....u share your knowledge...you give your ideas...and in so many ways...im like you....same problems, same joys...similar yet different students....im trying to regain my tranquility...to keep focused on the goals iv set for today...im trying..cuz mid years are coming by...gotta teach, without stressing the kids too much...afterall...they do haf 8 subjects....and im only teaching 2... A recent desert storm stirred up...and you wonder how long this one will last...you wonder..will it be like all the rest that has happened before?...you wonder is it gonna leave you alone again on barren soil after the storm has washed again all that has once existed...you wonder even why are you still wondering when it has happened before...you wonder who created the storm, is it really the other person, or did you allow it to happen?back to work..back to the ground, reality...which begins its cycle in less than 24hrs....
im in yellow today...my fave shade of yellow...and therefore i will cont to be happy..you make your own decisions...i make mine...try if you wana sway my decision..Convince youself of your decision first before trying to change anyone else's...
Saturday, April 14, 2007 / 9:22 PM
i need you to know that i am happy...that i am at a stage where i do not look my best, or dance as much..but i am happy...for the gratifications i get in school when my lessons work well...for the smiles or the taps on the shoulder when my student spots me on the streets...for the MS Lin..can i meet u after school for 'TUITION"....for the assurances and advice which my fellow teachers, supervisor and CTs give....i am happy when i get my fave cup of cuppa, when im most myself with the princesses, when im being a couch potato and enjoying Channel 55 with Chubby...when i sit all day in starbucks and my work is complete...when i can doze off on the bus, without a worry in mind....I am happy when i see God in the stars at night, the fresh breeze in the morningI am happy at the sight of my grandma, safe at home when i reach home, at the sound of nicole chatting with sum1 special on the phone at night, at the sight of my jolly mummy waiting to give me my goodnight hug b4 she goes to bed...I am happy that someone tries to make me happyI am happy cuz im counting my endless blessings..and i hope you'll be happy too..
time to blog...was getting a little restless typing away on powerpoint....Time to grow lil rina....and move on...with a winter that has passed, a spring that is nearly over....it's really time to grow....to move that feet that u realized may have been stuck in the original place for so long...so many months you've just been pushing thoughts aside, forgetting dreams which haunts you....why not just really move on?Maybe..i just forgot how...They said that time and distance can heal wounds......but they never said that it will make one forget....Don't sway...i tell myself...Don't be second to anyone....my world doesnt need you...but why with just one knock, your shadows came back...why doesnt the heart learn that it doesnt need to hurt, why does the small glimmer still flicker....What does it take for the heart to move on?God, for now, pull me along...lil rinaTime to put the costume back in the cupboard....tuck it away...You probably don't need it anymore...
Thursday, April 12, 2007 / 10:18 PM
sipping on my usual order at starbucks, i find myself distracted by the rain pelting so lightly outside the windows. There is no usual anxiety, no mad panic or rush to complete my tasks for tomorrow...in my head, all is a calm. The tunes of dbsk are playing in the usual loop on my very treasured ipod, ironically providing me with my silent space, space for the sound of my thoughts, for my heartbeat....
I cant remember when was the last time, i could chat endlessly, relaxed over dinner....where my mind wasnt wandering to the back, worrying about the lessons which iv not prepared...i do have an observation tmr...but today, i think iv reached my threshold of weariness, and all i needed to do, upon setting my foot out of school, was to juz chill.\
Had a fantastic evening...even now....im in dear company....listening to my fave songs...having settled down after spotting a cheap buy....finallly got a normal watch which caught my eye....
ok..dun feel like blogging in a narrative already...juz wished my kids could bother to write in class instead of whining about class work....
A little disappointed, but still many good moments to keep me pumping in my job...pressing on not effortlessly, but not too unmotivated as well....michelle is in good shape...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007 / 2:03 PM
IM A SURVIVOR!!!!...hahha actually dats how i feel every wed, cuz its not only my LOOOOOONGEST DAY, but I also have a double period with dear 1N1, not the easiest class to handle...so evry wed, my sec 4N1 will ask me, "teacher y u look so tired, or why u sound like dat?" well, war does suck the energy outta ppl....but today's war was gd....i didnt win it...but i dun think i lost my kids..OK u muz b like, wad on earth is miss lin tokking about? OK it is war because undoubtedly evrytime i step into a class. The kids fight to do their thing, chat with their frenz, sms under the table, throw rubber, paper etc....and i fight to get their attention..reminding them, knocking on the table, giving death stares...at the end of the day, who wins? Sometimes, they kids win, but only when i concede defeat..by walking out of class, by stopping my lesson to lecture them, by literally throwing my hands in the air and saying, okie do what u want, and they do just dat. BUT see, i only lose if i let myself lose..the kids dun win me.....its myself who defeats me....what defeats me- my lack of patience perhaps? my lack of perserverance? my moments where i fergt when these kids make me laugh out loud, where i fergt that every student is worth my time, where i fergt my strong belief dat all students are teachable..its juz the teacher's approach...So today, i didnt lose, but not all my kids won either, because their job is to learn, and im nt sure if all of them understood what i was teaching. I went into all my 4 classes today...from my sec 1e6 for hist observation, to 1N1, and my Sec 4N1 to end my day....i delivered what i prepared, i punished some, i scolded others...from weapons such as death stares, to resigned reminders, to more aggressive approaches like delivering a death scream (quite effective), or sending people out...I did it all...hahah i just realized, i sound like a pokemon, with various levels and types of powers. Today marked the first day i ever sent a kid outta class...2 in fact...i felt bad the moment i sent them out, becuz i noe they werent the only ones making noise....but tommy and louis, i hope u realize y i did dat...its nt a personal attack, outside the class, im nt angry....i had todo it at the moment to show that i was serious about it...i noe u will feel its unfair, but think about it from my perspective, its nt fair daT every lesson i let u chat n talk as u please right....I hope u know, dat even if im taking more deep breaths in class, im not angry at u.....i hope u know that, even if im scolding u, i dun hate to teach u, i dun hate u...Because just as u ask me, we are very hard to teach hor, my ans is, im nt ur best teacher either right? I dun expect u tobe ideal perfect students, dats wad makes my job interesting, because i gt to interact with so many different personalities each day..not all will like me, but well, it's still my job..n i like it...i like my job...You probably dunno dat as long as there is one student in class who wants to see me, to clarify things, i will be very happy....this may sound very idealistic, but i take it to mean dat u c that subject as sumthing worth understanding and learning about, sumthing dat is worth ur extra time..i oso take it to mean dat im approachable enough fer u to seek help from...and fer this i wanna say: im nt the best, but il try my best to make you understand....Eliada asked me why i wanted to teach, il age very quickly...but u dun c the secret moments where miss lin laff at the way your class manjas, gt emo, dun pay attention..u dun c the smile bubbles that come up when students stop me along the corridor to say hi.,..betcha din noe dat these lil things are wat make teaching worthwhile....i know i haf it ez already...i mean i only haf 19 periods...4 classes to see to, so its natural dat i wun complain...but i hope fer myself too, dat this satisfaction dat students gif me, will last me thru my career....n my greatest aim now is to keep improcing..juz like all the students i teach...improve in my lesson delivery skills, in the wya i explain things...in the way i manage the class.,...so thank god fer letting me haf a gd closure to the long day...cuz he juz proved dat my prayers and desperation were answered...keep pressing on ppl!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007 / 9:40 AM
....softspots arent alwaz a gd thing...pondering about my next move, next strategy..next decision...what should it be...what should i do, or convince myself to think? I can only do what i alwaz do isnt it....make myself available...cuz il never know when im needed....im whining here to gain more energy later...
Monday, April 09, 2007 / 4:52 PM
This easter meant more to me than i would have earlier imagined. For one, it was the first time i attended Easter vigil...painfully long..hahha...bt all for a good reason, Chubby gt baptised! Besides giving me a fierce and loyal best friend who is now a Catholic and can be my reminder when i stray, God gave me a good sermon. It's funny thinking about the sermon, because someone wanted to marry the priest who delivered it...Blasphemy!! Anyway, Father Luke Fong, a very charismatic and eloquent speaker gave his sermon about Easter and his words stuck.
He spoke about how the resurrection process in our lives may take a very long time to unfold, but many mini resurrections are happening everyday, as friendships and relationships are renewed. As our faith in Christ, in life is reinforced. As our hope and enthusiaism for our job, work, school is reaffirmed. It is so true....who among us can deny being burdened by the worries of work, financial and other personal reasons? Yet, joy is ours when we trust and have faith in the big daddy above, because he promised us he'll be there as long as we call on him. All it takes is for us to believe, and our burden will seem so much easier to bear...of coz, it is not instantaneous magic, but i can testify, that given time, he will show you how close and real he is, if only you keep your faith alive.
I felt an impetus to blog this entry also because i haven't been very encouraged at work...been losing that affirmation that i should be teaching...fearing also that i was not teaching the kids effectively....Like Pammie said...we as teachers have years to mould and perfect our skills, but these kids that come through our hands only have that one opportunity to learn....so it is a constant surge for perfection, perfection in catering to the students in class...It can be quite a daunting thought, it does seem like a veyr unforgiving industry, until i came across this passage in the lil red book that celia bought me...
It read: (and i dedicate this especially to all who are feeling the unforgiving nature of the working world sometimes): " To err is human...There are times when folks expect more of us and they are disappointed. We pray taht our bad examples do not lead little ones astray. Yet, it is reassuring, Lord, to remember that many sins are forgiven for those who love much. May those we serve bear our mistakes patiently. May they see throough our feeble efforts and realise it is you, Lord, taht is to be served unreservedly."
This short phrase really touched me, almost like god replying to my thoughts, just as i was worrying about what to teach for tomorrow..and yesh, we teachers aint perfect, as much as we try, experiment and learn. we can only pray, that our efforts and sincerity for the students and our job, can touch those we come into contact with and let them bear with our mistakes more patiently.
Anyway, its been a tiring but positive start to the week..its more than i can ask for and i know it's by angels' grace that i've survived today...still sleepy...but now that i've let out these thoughts, its back to work!!!
Have a great week..and i hope that your week will get better...just wanna say that you are in my prayers....especially Candy and her thesis in progress, chubby, caleb..xiaomei, xuan...fatty coach and his bz work schedule, Alien and princesses, Berdphile and peiling whom never fails to make me go into this "high" when i meet them...my dearest jolly mama, paranoid papa and my groovy lil sis and cousins!!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007 / 5:51 PM
Ive just been reminded that it's been 5 weeks since i was Ms Lin in zhonghua. I've definitely settled in a lot more now, meeting bumps less now, though they still do pop up now and then. However, there are classes which i go in now with more confidence, there are classes which i walk out, motivating me to be a better teacher....of course there are also classes which i feel im terrible with, and these only make me think more, think about how much of a teacher am i. These morale dashing, confidence plunging classes often makes me question my competency as a teacher. Afterall, which teacher wants to do damage right.
BUt well....it is a learning process..everyday i think i've grown a bit more, learnt abit more, whether it's about my job, or my students. This job has also taught me to look inside at myself more, reminding me of my purpose and reason for being here. There are still things i dun agree with, standards which personally i don't feel aligned with, however, at the end of the day, i still look up at the evening sky, the pink flushed clouds and think "thank god fer blessing me...with the hrs in school, with my classes, lessons, colleagues etc"
Its been 5 weeks, i've only had 4 observations, but i muz say, they left a really big impression on me...there were classes whose behavior was so unexpected! so cooperative, taking the initiative to keep quiet, reminding each other to lower their vol...i felt so loved honestly....even my supervior admitted that he could tell that they were difficult bunch but they tried to be good, to help me out....iv never been more touched....there were classes, in an entire day, where i walked out of every class feeling on top of the world, where i knew my students had fun, learnt something....these lessons work like strawberries on a cake, they perfect my hardwork. They give me reason to work harder. They boost my confidence, so il be more daring in trying different things with them.
While school life has been bustling, dance has clearly taken a backseat..doesnt mean i lost my love or interest, i nv will...its just dat there was a point in life where i worked my ass off fer dance, dancing evryday, thinking and stressing abt dance the way i stress about school now, and it has been very satisfying and gratifying....and now, i wanna recreate the same satisfaction as a teacher...and because theres so much i dunno, iv gt to work even harder....
just wanna say thanks to those ppl who has been keeping me sane, alive, the princesses, dat chubby woman, dat alien boy, the dancers, my parents who listens, puts up with and lives with my occassional outburst, my precious sister who's a student herself...and god....they keep me going, evry step, big or small....
well okie...let out a long deep breath....back to work!